In Our Own Ways

I don't blame my wife for feeling the way that she feels. I understand why she's scared and angry and depleted and confused and fed up.

So am I, which is funny because I also keep saying how we feel so much differently about our older son, but really we don't. We love him the same, both in our own ways, and that also explains how we've been coping with this latest mess.

She wants to run away or be saved, whichever one will give her her life back. And I'm trying to be there and save us all because right now this is my life. We've traded places in the past and this is just how it works between us.

So I don't blame my wife for anything. Yet that hasn't stopped her from blaming herself for everything. Perhaps most of all, for adopting our son in the first place. And what she feels the most guilty about is what I still see as the single greatest thing she has ever done in her life.