I thought it might help you (and by that I mean help me) if I described myself physically. First off, I don't look (or act) my age and I'm much taller than I sound. In fact, I'd say that height is probably my most prominent feature, followed by width and then depth. I still have almost all of my teeth, but can't say the same about my hair, which I wear close-cropped, mainly to elude the paparazzi.
As previously noted, I've been dieting and you'll be happy to know that I now only look like I'm in my first trimester and no longer need to wear my pants like Urkel. My eyes are hazel, the most confusing (and gay-sounding) of all eye colors, and they look particularly hazel-y when I'm wearing glasses, which I mainly need for reading. And seeing.
I'm rockin' a cool tattoo of my kids names on my right shoulder and another less cool Chinese character on my left. I'm thinking about getting another tat and maybe it'll be of your name. Or a dragon.
I've worn a full beard since I was 17 years old and recently noticed gray flecks in it, but nowhere else, I swear. You can check if you want. I also sport what's known as a Roman nose, which is just code for "Jew." I have soft lips (Kiehl's Lip Balm #1), but I'm sure you've already imagined that and although it hasn't been in use recently, women have often told me that I have a nice smile.
If you brought in a police sketch artist right now, my likeness would most likely resemble every guest murderer on Law & Order.
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