Black Friday

For me, "Black Friday" is a Steely Dan song (When Black Friday comes, I'm gonna dig myself a hole, Gonna lay down in it 'til I satisfy my soul). But for most everyone else, it's an excuse to satisfy their soul by laying down what little money they have left on one-day-only bargain crap.

How can I resist? Well, for the most part, I hate to shop. On the few occasions when it's absolutely necessary, I do my thing and am in and out of there in a flash (and that shouldn't be taken as a metaphor for anything else).

I can think of two exceptions. I can spend hours at the Apple Store (I'm usually the one without the piercings). Or a whole day at the mall with you!

We can go into any store you'd like, although I've been known to get antsy in women's shoes (especially Uggs). And I really don't mind if you wanna try stuff on. Hey, there's a Victoria's Secret. You kinda remind me of Heidi Klum a little. I know you gotta have that Twilight T-shirt at Hot Topic. And then let's share one of those cinnamon pretzels that smell so good.

This is so much fun, making believe that we're together. I do it with my wife all of the time.