It's Like Bam!

"I'm gonna tell you something, but promise me that you won't say anything right now," said my wife ominously while we were eating dinner last night.

"Don't do that," I said, knowing full well what was coming next. "Just tell me."

"I will. I just don't want you to say anything tonight because tomorrow is court," she said. "I don't want to mess things up."

"I know," I said. "Tell me."

"When I went into his room before," she said, "I smelled pot."

And even though I knew it was coming, even though I knew it was inevitable, I was still momentarily stunned. "Every fuckin' day is like another punch in the stomach," I said finally. "Each time I feel the slightest glimmer of hope, it's like bam!"

"I know," she said. "That's the roller coaster ride the guy in the group keeps talking about."

"Everyone keeps saying how there's gonna be setbacks, but don't you need to move forward in order to have setbacks?" I asked.

"We are," said my wife. "He's been taking his meds and pretty much cooperating with everything else."

"I guess it was unrealistic to think that things could really change so quickly. I guess I just wanted to believe that they could," I admitted. "I need to believe, I need to be able to make some sense out of all of this."

"It doesn't make sense," she said matter-of-factly. "Nothing makes sense."

We talked for a few minutes more and the one good thing about all of this is that it's doing wonders for my diet because I couldn't eat another bite. So I went upstairs, crawled into bed and vegged out in front of House. My wife came up a short while later and asked me what was happening with Cuddy and Wilson, and I just shook my head and told her that I wasn't really paying attention. She changed into her pajamas and surprised me by snuggling up close.

"When life gives you lemons . . ." she joked, while gently running her fingers through my hair.

"Same punchline for when life gives you AIDS," I said, quoting Sarah Silverman.

"God only gives you what you can handle," she said sarcastically, still trying to make me smile.

"God help us," I said and then we just held each other until the end of House.