My older son is coming home tomorrow and, to be honest, no one is particularly looking forward to it. In fact, we tend to look backwards, to what has happened before and assume it will happen again or that something even worse will happen.
This is probably not the best attitude to have right now, but it's tough to feel anything else. We can't whitewash the past anymore (although we did put down new carpet in his room) and we can't look away, either. So we're staring into the son (aren't I so clever?) with our eyes wide open.
The son, of course, also rises (and yes, I'm done with this stupid wordplay) and I think you know me well enough by now to know that more than anything, I want to be hopeful. I want to believe that things will work out. I'm just not allowing myself to go there because I'm afraid of feeling the pain if/when things don't.
And I wonder what my son is feeling. I know he wants to come home, but I wonder if he wants things to change and if he's even capable of changing. I wonder if he's as scared as I am.
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1 comment:
When your son is scared, you'll know he's on his way to getting well
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